New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
