oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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