Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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