I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
