girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
