I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
