you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is the high leading the old right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
