she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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