As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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