a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How does it feel to date your dad?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
