Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
