He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
