i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
