Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
