Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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