i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
