This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
