If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
