just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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