Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
