pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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