please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
