dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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