I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
