i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Bring me that man meat
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
