just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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