I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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