the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
