Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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