Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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