I accidentally burped into my bong.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
