Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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