just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
