I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
