More tranny stories later!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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