I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
