You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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