so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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