She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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