in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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