whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
