Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
