I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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