Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
