just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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