I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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