Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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