You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
