you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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