ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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