I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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