Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
