At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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