The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
