Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
