I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
