And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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