So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
