every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
