I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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