you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
