Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
