I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
