Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
