so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
