We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
