Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
