Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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