TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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