Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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