I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
